Post 12: Draft Scripts and Feedback

This is the first draft of our script. I have highlighted the points of the script that we are going to change. We have decided to change these points due to feedback given to us which was very useful in developing our ideas.

We have got feedback on our first draft of the script and this has helped us because we have been able to pick out the good and also the bad points. We have been able to take advice from our target audience and we have been able to develop it further and make it better. We have done this for each part of developing our idea and this has helped our group grow further with the story line of the short film. 

Feedback 1.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vzS--OAwd1c

Feedback 2.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=IdwYa2pzWew

When we listened to what Becky had to say we found out that in the production industry the script is down to one person as it is one person's story. As a group this may be more difficult because everyone has different ideas to how they want the short film to be like and as a group it may be more difficult to come up with one final idea. In the industry the storyline is down to one person and the ideas that come from that person will fit together better than lots of peoples ideas because they have the most understanding about what the film is going to be. We realised as a group that it would be difficult to make one final decision quickly so we spent some time to develop the ideas and listen to everyone in the group. After working on the ideas and agreed on a final idea we put the ideas into a script and taking on the advice we have been given we did the script.

This is our final script and we have been able to create this from all of the feedback which we have got and also by learning how to write a real script. Due to this we have been able to as a group to develop the story line further and and this is the final script with my annotations to show what parts we have changed and developed from the original script.

This is the final script that we worked on. We listened to all of the advice given to us and we developed more on the idea of the short film. We focused on showing the characters feelings and emotions more and trying to show more of a background to their lives and we feel that we have achieved this and that we have made it clearer. We have worked on the storyline and have made it longer and by doing this we are enabling ourselves to show what we want to get across in a better way so that the audience will understand what the short film is about instead of rushing it and the audience not understanding it. We have developed in the dialogue and we feel that this will be a better way for showing what the characters are like. We have been influenced by watching other short films such as 'The 400 Blows' which is a French New Wave film and we have been influenced by the running scene at the end of the film as we think that this is a really clever way of showing what the character is going through and we thought that the character in that film is going through the same emotions as the character in our short film.

With the feedback which we got from our target audience we found out that their main thoughts were that it was too short and that we needed to develop on our idea. They also said that we haven't given much away about the character Billy such as how old he is or the background that he comes from. They understood the relationship between Billy and his mum and what we was trying to show but they said that it did not have that much detail to really understand what was going to happen in the short film.
Overall, with this feedback we realised that we needed to expand on the idea and the character Billy and work on what his background is going to be because this will show more and have more understanding about the character Billy. We also need to work on the relationship with Billy and his mum and find a way of showing how this relationship is not like a mother son relationship should be like.

Feedback from Becky Knapp a script writer.

We also had someone who worked for a production company and is a script writer. Becky Knapp sat down with us as a group and looked through our script with us. She helped us and showed us how to improve our script and how a real script should be layed out and what it should look like. She also gave us advice about the idea of our short film. She told us that we should develop the character Billy and also the character of the mum. The advice she gave us was very helpful as we was more clear about what we had to do and we was going to work on the format of the script and also develop the idea of the characters and make it clearer the emotions that they are going through because then this will get our ideas across better and more clearly.